Ramblings for 2009-07-31

• I come. I go. I suspect. I curse. I war. I relent. I win. I forget. I burn. I reach. I want. I want you to turn me, tell me North is true. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-30

• That was a nightmare done right. It's still making me question what was real. Threats in low voices, knives, blood, betrayal, hateful pulse. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-29

• Shhh, shhhh, shhhh. I can't answer right now. Now is not the time for bodies, it's the time for spirits. #
• Tonight, I'm going to find where seagulls sleep, where the sidewalk ends, Sasquatch, Elvis, and my voice. #
• I'm balance beam walking along a wall by the ocean. I missed out on a career as a tightrope walker. I might build a sand castle now. I'm 10. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-28

• I feel like all I've done the past couple of weeks is sleep. It took a while to re-cast characters in my dreams and change the scenery a bit #
• If you knew my intent you would reward me with a jacket with extra long sleaves and a room with very soft walls. So just wait a bit. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-27

• Finish the album Finish the album Finish the album. Bastards. Must focus. #
• The discoteque finally closed. The stars burnt away, dissipated into the sky. Every touch was blasphemous, every kiss heresy. Thankfully. #
• No, it's not ok. And it's ok that it's not ok. #
• I hear her laughter, desperate, hoping that she's laughing just the right amount and that the listener will like her. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-26

• The problem with exorcising demons is that you're then obligated to feed and house them while they adjust to their new lives and move on. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-25

• The ghosts keep whispering I've overstayed my welcome. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-24

• Pass through me like a ghost, like a chill. My skin may think it’s true, but my smile is much wiser now. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-23

• She knew how to pull the trigger with her tongue. #
• I should never have told the young hungry tiger that I have an itch. #
• Welcome back echoes. Returning, repeated. Quieter, softer. Reminding wounds that grow deaf over time. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-22

• Just woke up from a siesta downtown in MacArthur Park. At least I was in the shade. http://twitpic.com/b8rnw #

Like A Feverish Phoenix

Ayup! Thanks for stopping by to read this, I feel like I haven’t written any posts this long in ages.

I have been a little preoccupied lately, mostly with recording and recently with being very ill. I had a very high fever for a couple of days, and seeing as how I haven’t eaten since Saturday morning I’m actually still feeling very weak. In three days I lost about 13lbs, which puts me at about 10 stones. I’ll give you a minute to go and find a stone to pound converter.

I feel remarkably coherent at the moment, well, besides the fact that I’m writing this in a very dark room with eight ghosts. They came to sit with me while I listened back to my previous CDs, ‘Halo’ and ‘Mercy’. Before, they had been lingering at my windows for the past couple of days. The point of listening to the old music was because I wasn’t sure if any of it is any good. I know! You’d think if I’d bother to write, record, and release an album, I would think it was good. Well dear friend, therein points to the massive mis-wiring of my brain. I never really know if my music is any good. I might listen to it and like it, but I won’t know if other people will. And even when I ask the rest of the band if a certain idea or sound (or even lack of a sound) is too crazy, I usually just shrug my shoulders, say ‘fuck it’, and move on. Even after a few thousand positive comments and reviews from people, none of it seems to stick. I continually think I’m probably a fraud, someone just pretending to be a song-writer. Which is funny because if you try to get me to do anything else, I don’t really feel like I’m anything but a song-writer.

But at the moment, I feel like I might actually be a song-writer. It’ll fade in a few hours, but with a nice fresh listen I really enjoyed the previous stuff. (DAMN!!! Cyndi Lauper’s ‘All Through the Night’ just came on the radio, what a great, great, song!) So anyway, listening back and scrolling through a couple of pages of nice comments from folks like you has put me back on track to start recording again after being ill. So I’m just going to finish this rambling up and walk over and turn on the studio.

It’s just past 3AM, and it feels like it could be any time of day to me. I walked outside a little earlier and partially anticipated some sunshine. It would be kind of cool to have collaborators/co-conspirators/spectators/alibis at this hour, but for some reason most of the world in my time-zone is decisively shut off at the moment. And, nobody knows that I’m not sick anymore. Ha! And if I called a girl I’d be totally busted for making a very late booty-call. Damn, I’m hungry, not my stomach, but my muscles and bones would really appreciate some nutrients, even just an orange. (Soon! I promise! The market opens in just a few hours). Sorry, distracted. I haven’t had human interaction since Saturday, and I haven’t spoken once, not even on the phone. Hmmmm, maybe I’ve started a vow of silence. The world should be so lucky!

A new song came to me while I was in and out of consciousness with fever. I’ll see if I can get a demo up soon. I had a notepad with me so I think I was able to write enough of it down to completely remember it. So here I am, I’m not dead, and thanks to all of you who sent me kind notes of concern. My fever also seems to have made something very clear for me, which I was (knowingly) quite delusional about. I thought I required further exorcism, but I know it’s done now.

Alright, into the studio I go. Hmmmm, a couple of the ghosts are back at the windows and the rest are gone. No rhyme or reason yet.

Stealthily yours,

Saint John

PS. You can hear a couple of new songs up on my website music player http://www.sjatr.com

Ramblings for 2009-07-19

• It’s Saturday and I have 103.2F fever. Such bullshit. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-18

• Have I given enough for you to remember me? #
• It’s not the blade that’s hot, it’s the blood. #
• “I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes, I have to turn my head until the darkness goes” #

Ramblings for 2009-07-16

• I was already going to jump, you didn’t need to push. Maybe you just wanted the credit. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-15

• It’s like you took your firearm out, calmly aimed it at the Sun, and didn’t pull the trigger until everything went black. #
• “I’d like to rest my heavy head tonight on a bed of California stars…” #
• Prepare your heart, for when you finally rule this land, the tides will calm from fear that you will avenge the loss of one piece of sand. #
• Wrapped in blankets doused in kerosene, we flee the volcano. #
• Your resting wings will not tempt the hunter, but you pretend to love the hunt. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-14

• The gods are angry that you don’t thank them with every single breath. Baptize in reason, float in desire. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-13

• Your ghosts keep trying to lift you, but their arms pass right through, and you still clutch the ground, just in case. #
• Why are we strangers now? How are we in seperate beds?, when we had the same dreams painted in our heads. #
• Midnight. I know what happens now. It’s an older story than you or me. Whirling dervishes, thunder, truth. #
• Finally the twilight came. No need for forced laughter, lies, fear. It was nothing, tomorrow will bring something real. Sleep, and then see. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-12

• We have the means to ignite. Does anybody have the gunpowder? #
• Tossing grenades. Already debated existence of Sasquatch. Just a warmup. Oh, I uploaded a new song: myspace.com/saintjohnandtherevelations #
• Let’s burn this town down and sleep on blankets on the beach under the stars. #
• Lords, ladies, and gentlemen, I will be out tonight drawn to temptations. Need debauchery, need laughter, need revolution. #
• I love to pretend that what I believe matters, and sometimes I hope it doesn’t. #
• My bones bent before they broke, fears took hold before I spoke, my ghost was here before I was born, now I just beg to mend all I’ve torn. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-11

• We are creating memories of love with other lovers. How will I, how will you, still matter? #
• Meet this fire that climbs my back, rests on my shoulders, enters my ear, whispers, rages. Bring the river, bring the ocean. #
• I worry that being satisfied, not striving, is more like death rather than bliss. #
• … The skin on your neck anticipated her touch. But you had to see. If you kept your eyes closed she would have been there. #
• You had to see for yourself. You could already smell her on the breeze. You could feel the earth tremble under her step… #
• I’m almost done making this present for you. It’ll be the last one, so I’m putting extra care into it. It’ll be fine. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-10

• Well inside the blast zone. Cats are fighting. Gravity is lower in the studio today. Listening back to last night and this morning’s work. #
• I recently kissed a girl and she tasted like when you pull the stem from a honeysuckle flower. #
• No matter how much I don’t believe in ghosts, they keep gathering around me. Maybe they got here early to get a good view for the show. #
• It’s brighter with my eyes closed. #
• I don’t need to keep my head up. I don’t need to smile. I don’t need plans. I don’t need to keep busy. I need just a moment, with you. #
• Had to ditch about 100 friends on the beach to actually go onto the pier to hear Ms. Baez. She sounded beautiful. #
• Pier. Joan Baez. I’ll hang out at a friend’s house after and listen to some Dylan and pretend like she opened for him. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-09

• You know she wriggle like a glowworm you know she dances like a spinning top #
• Feeling surprisingly athletic today. Went to the beach twice, did the rings, swam with dolphins. Trying to exhaust myself for sleep tonight. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-08

• Guitar track and vocals done. Silver ocean skinny dipping. Now dry and warm. You can collect it all soon, almost done. #
• …you’ll probably be asleep by then, but I’ll try to take a picture for you. #
• I took a break to go check on the moon. It will be sitting right over the ocean in about 3 hrs, making it very silver. #
• Back in the studio. Tubes are warming up. My throat is warming up with some tea. #
• I know how you’ll get free, dancing on my back. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-07

• Something broke. Nothing looks, tastes, feels, sounds, or smells the same. There is no familiarity, everything is new each time. #
• Pluck out a piece of the Sun, push it into my chest. Prop me up away from all shadows, and I’ll take care of the rest. #
• Forever quiet, forever unfinished. Nothing healed, just buried, sinking deeper to the core, poisoning marrow, suffocating the soul. #
• A true friend knows how you take your tea. #
• I’m just racing to the top so I can be the first to jump off. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-06

• Today seems pregnant with possibilities. I’ll be delivering via C-section. #
• Cooking eggs with a magnifying glass and our closest star. Anyone have any garlic? #
• Heard the computer restart chime when the Sun came up this morning. #
• On the couch, cold house. Text messages coming in. Endless distractions. #
• Take these words away from me, or somebody will end up getting cut by them. #
• I guess I won. It seems to add up but feels pretty light. #
• Trying to figure out which ones to catch and which ones to release. #
• I caught this 11yr old kid cracking an ATM machine combo lock. I gave him a stethoscope and some quick lessons. http://twitpic.com/9fuli #

Ramblings for 2009-07-05

• I need co-conspirators. I’ll meet you in the treehouse at noon. Bring marbles. #
• I thought sleep would come faster. It’s just a jumble of music in my head. Picking it apart. I wish lemonade helped. #
• No fire escapes or rooftops tonight. An early bed methinks. Today was a very good day. Sleep well everbody, and good dreams. #
• No wonder you’re tired all the time. You exhausted yourself with convincing yourself that you’re not settling. Just look at him. #
• The streetlamp outside this stranger’s window gives light like an exhausted and darkened Sun. The real thing will embarrass it in four hours #
• Somebody destroyed the universe, broke its back. Murdered what was supposed to be, it was deafening. Now the settling is just embarrassing. #
• New Concert: Fri Aug 7 @ The Coach House, San Juan Capistrano – http://iLike.com/t/9TBt #
• Suffering through some terrible Michael Jackson remixes. Who thought they were going to make those songs any better? #
• Fireworks time. Bombs bursting in air. #
• 3 parties down, 2 to go. I’ve had enough party snacks to last a lifetime. Damn salt addiction. #
• There is nothing new under the Sun. Thankfully the Sun is out though. I don’t live in SoCal for the literature discussions. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-04

• The wedding is off. The shaman will preside over a different ceremony. I need to be cleansed. #
• Happy Birthday America! You don’t look a day over 150. #
• Must get home and in bed before anyone knows I was gone. Will remember that the floor squeeks two feet into the hallway. #
• Good music. Lovely girls. Ok bio-diesel Mercedes, pick me up and let’s go park, 50’s style. Little Richard on the iPod, we are set. #
• There has been some really good music tonight in Venice, better than even some of the places that people queued to get into. #
• The amateur pyrotechnicians (I dare you to try texting that phrase quickly when you’re high) seem to be out in force tonight. #
• Ok, yes it’s good to be able to get right into wherever you want. But then the problem sometimes is that you’re then in those places. #
• At some loud party sponsored by an energy drink company. I do not recommend you follow. #
• Phase One of Operation First Friday completed. Curry. Tea. #
• Who is out and about for First Friday tonight? I’ve got a little bit of thunder on the sole of my shoes. #
• Looking at you is like knowing the moral of the story before you’ve even read the title. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-03

• My elevator no longer stops at your floor. #
• About to flake on a very lovely girl to go record. The delusions and visions are one thing, but this is a true sign of madness. Forgive me. #
• Fun first concert at the pier in Santa Monica. Played on the dragon and ship. I am 10 years old. #
• My Canadian songbird is flying back to CA with a different tune sung from the same smile. 3 years. Back now to complicate things. She could. #
• Plunge your hand through the darkness. Grab me. Hold. Forever, whisper, until exhausted laughter elevates your voice. Then we remember. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-02

• I’m just slightly out of tune, but if you run toward me while I play, the Doppler Effect should compensate. #
• Now there’s a right way and a wrong way and rules and expectations. I just need a good song. #
• I am accused. Obviously guilty. I know exactly what I’m doing, I remember from when I was a boy. #
• Sat next to you. Hand up on the booth beside us. Shamelessly hoping you’d put yours into it. I’m obviously 12 years old. Yes, crazy. #

Ramblings for 2009-07-01

• Noises in the basement, you’ll never be free. I can tell by the pitch of my yelling, it’s time for my tea. #