Like A Feverish Phoenix

Ayup! Thanks for stopping by to read this, I feel like I haven’t written any posts this long in ages.

I have been a little preoccupied lately, mostly with recording and recently with being very ill. I had a very high fever for a couple of days, and seeing as how I haven’t eaten since Saturday morning I’m actually still feeling very weak. In three days I lost about 13lbs, which puts me at about 10 stones. I’ll give you a minute to go and find a stone to pound converter.

I feel remarkably coherent at the moment, well, besides the fact that I’m writing this in a very dark room with eight ghosts. They came to sit with me while I listened back to my previous CDs, ‘Halo’ and ‘Mercy’. Before, they had been lingering at my windows for the past couple of days. The point of listening to the old music was because I wasn’t sure if any of it is any good. I know! You’d think if I’d bother to write, record, and release an album, I would think it was good. Well dear friend, therein points to the massive mis-wiring of my brain. I never really know if my music is any good. I might listen to it and like it, but I won’t know if other people will. And even when I ask the rest of the band if a certain idea or sound (or even lack of a sound) is too crazy, I usually just shrug my shoulders, say ‘fuck it’, and move on. Even after a few thousand positive comments and reviews from people, none of it seems to stick. I continually think I’m probably a fraud, someone just pretending to be a song-writer. Which is funny because if you try to get me to do anything else, I don’t really feel like I’m anything but a song-writer.

But at the moment, I feel like I might actually be a song-writer. It’ll fade in a few hours, but with a nice fresh listen I really enjoyed the previous stuff. (DAMN!!! Cyndi Lauper’s ‘All Through the Night’ just came on the radio, what a great, great, song!) So anyway, listening back and scrolling through a couple of pages of nice comments from folks like you has put me back on track to start recording again after being ill. So I’m just going to finish this rambling up and walk over and turn on the studio.

It’s just past 3AM, and it feels like it could be any time of day to me. I walked outside a little earlier and partially anticipated some sunshine. It would be kind of cool to have collaborators/co-conspirators/spectators/alibis at this hour, but for some reason most of the world in my time-zone is decisively shut off at the moment. And, nobody knows that I’m not sick anymore. Ha! And if I called a girl I’d be totally busted for making a very late booty-call. Damn, I’m hungry, not my stomach, but my muscles and bones would really appreciate some nutrients, even just an orange. (Soon! I promise! The market opens in just a few hours). Sorry, distracted. I haven’t had human interaction since Saturday, and I haven’t spoken once, not even on the phone. Hmmmm, maybe I’ve started a vow of silence. The world should be so lucky!

A new song came to me while I was in and out of consciousness with fever. I’ll see if I can get a demo up soon. I had a notepad with me so I think I was able to write enough of it down to completely remember it. So here I am, I’m not dead, and thanks to all of you who sent me kind notes of concern. My fever also seems to have made something very clear for me, which I was (knowingly) quite delusional about. I thought I required further exorcism, but I know it’s done now.

Alright, into the studio I go. Hmmmm, a couple of the ghosts are back at the windows and the rest are gone. No rhyme or reason yet.

Stealthily yours,

Saint John

PS. You can hear a couple of new songs up on my website music player

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